Air Hooks

Today’s topical poem is inspired by the news a Ukrainian prankster managed to convince people to drill holes in their new iPhones. It’s called Air Hooks

The new iPhone seven

 comes without a headphone jack.
And there's already a petition,

asking Apple to bring it back.
But one man's got the answer,

there's a way if there is a will.
A home-made headphones socket

made with a Black & Decker drill.
He posted up the video,

it's been liked by lots of folk.
It sure as hell looks genuine,

there's no way it's a hoax!
So I followed the instructions,

but I wish I double checked.
It didn't make a headphone jack,

In fact, the whole device is wrecked.

And it’s a bloody work phone

So I’m in the shit you see,

Cos intentional drill damage,

isn’t covered by warrantee.

Check out my short story blog here

And if you don't believe me, here is the Guardian article.

A Thing of the Past?

My topical poem today is about the declaration by FIFA that their Racism in Football Taskforce has been disbanded because its mission has been completely fulfilled.

A Thing of the Past?

Racism in football has been solved,

and that’s great relief a,

you may be quite surprised by this,

but it’s the official view of FIFA.

no more monkey noises

or bananas thrown from stands,

no discrimination against black managers,

or racist chants by fans.

the task force has fulfilled its mission,

so if you hear racism in the stands,

there’s no point in telling FIFA,

they’ve buried their heads  in the sand.

  

Check out my short story blog here

Double Standards

Double Standards from The Topical Poet on Vimeo.

My topical poem today is the hypocritical attitude of the British press when it comes to drugs in sport. It’s interesting how British athletes always seem to be innocent until proven guilty and have a good reason to take a drug or miss a test, whereas foreigners are always guilty and are dirty rotten cheats.

Double Standards.

No one likes a drugs cheat,

and when they’re caught we all boo.

We want to see fair play in sport,

and cheating will never do.

The Russians are always at it,

we suspect the Americans’re too.

Are the French the Chinese, the Germans,

all taking some special brew?

But not here in good old Blighty,

it’s something we’d never do.

It’s not to enhance performance old chap,

the poor man’s got the flu.

Check out my short story blog here

Human Touch

Topical poem time and today I read that Bruce Springsteen thinks Donald Trump is a moron. Here is my poem. How many Springsteen songs can you spot?

Human Touch from The Topical Poet on Vimeo.

Human Touch

From the streets of Philadelphia, to the backstreets of my hometown,

there’s joker promising glory days, and he’s getting Springsteen down.

he thinks he’s tougher than the rest, talks of a land of hopes and dreams,

and Americans being Americans follow him in their reams.

He thinks that he was born to run, to be the man at the top.

But for those born in the USA, this man you have to stop.

So don’t go dancing in the dark, and on Election day,

see through the brilliant disguise, make Donald fade away.

Human Touch

streets of Philadelphia

backstreets

my hometown

glory days

tougher than the rest,

a land of hopes and dreams

born to run

the man at the top

born in the USA

dancing in the dark

brilliant disguise

fade away

Check out my short story blog here