Hang on a Minute

Not much preamble today, just to say Boris has been in Turkey singing in the praises of the EU and promising to help Turkey to join. Now Hang on a Minute.

During the referendum

the campaign of hate and fear

said Turkey will join the EU

Millions coming over here.

 Boris was a Brexiter

 and now he’s Foreign Secretary

 and he’s been on his travels.

Representing Britain in Turkey

Now Turkey wants to join the Union

Boris said he’d lend his clout

to help them join the institution

From which he took us out.

So when Turkey join the EU

with the help of old BO JO

He’ll turn to us British citizens

and I say See, I told you so.

Check out my short story blog here

Air Hooks

Today’s topical poem is inspired by the news a Ukrainian prankster managed to convince people to drill holes in their new iPhones. It’s called Air Hooks

The new iPhone seven

 comes without a headphone jack.
And there's already a petition,

asking Apple to bring it back.
But one man's got the answer,

there's a way if there is a will.
A home-made headphones socket

made with a Black & Decker drill.
He posted up the video,

it's been liked by lots of folk.
It sure as hell looks genuine,

there's no way it's a hoax!
So I followed the instructions,

but I wish I double checked.
It didn't make a headphone jack,

In fact, the whole device is wrecked.

And it’s a bloody work phone

So I’m in the shit you see,

Cos intentional drill damage,

isn’t covered by warrantee.

Check out my short story blog here

And if you don't believe me, here is the Guardian article.

A Thing of the Past?

My topical poem today is about the declaration by FIFA that their Racism in Football Taskforce has been disbanded because its mission has been completely fulfilled.

A Thing of the Past?

Racism in football has been solved,

and that’s great relief a,

you may be quite surprised by this,

but it’s the official view of FIFA.

no more monkey noises

or bananas thrown from stands,

no discrimination against black managers,

or racist chants by fans.

the task force has fulfilled its mission,

so if you hear racism in the stands,

there’s no point in telling FIFA,

they’ve buried their heads  in the sand.

  

Check out my short story blog here

Double Standards

Double Standards from The Topical Poet on Vimeo.

My topical poem today is the hypocritical attitude of the British press when it comes to drugs in sport. It’s interesting how British athletes always seem to be innocent until proven guilty and have a good reason to take a drug or miss a test, whereas foreigners are always guilty and are dirty rotten cheats.

Double Standards.

No one likes a drugs cheat,

and when they’re caught we all boo.

We want to see fair play in sport,

and cheating will never do.

The Russians are always at it,

we suspect the Americans’re too.

Are the French the Chinese, the Germans,

all taking some special brew?

But not here in good old Blighty,

it’s something we’d never do.

It’s not to enhance performance old chap,

the poor man’s got the flu.

Check out my short story blog here